INSIDE 1:1 MENTORING
Send Questions Before the Big Conversation
Your monthly partner meeting fills with updates and the decision you needed moves to next month, again. Ivanka Menken uses the Advance Question Map inside 1:1 Mentoring, a 6-month programme at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST, to agree a short set of questions that go out before a high-stakes conversation, so the other person arrives with a position instead of a report. You leave with a one-page question set for your next big conversation. Questions, not a script.
The Advance Question Map is a tool inside the programme, not a separate product. Ivanka does not facilitate your meetings.
AN EXAMPLE PARTNER MEETING
Everyone arrived to report. Nobody arrived to decide.
- THE MEETINGthe same issues back, the decision slipping againMonthly
- WHAT FAILEDwhich became another status updateA longer agenda
- THE CHANGEthe partner arrived with a position, decided in one sitting4 questions, sent ahead
THE RULE
“Before any high-stakes conversation, send the questions, not a script. The other person prepares in their own words.”
Your questions and your conversation will be your own.
SOUND FAMILIAR?
The same meeting, the same issue, next month again
- 01Your partner meeting is mostly updates.
- 02The decision you needed slips to next month.
- 03You are the only person who knows what the meeting has to decide.
THE MEETING, AS IT RUNS
- Rhythm: once a month
- Agenda: long, mostly updates
- The decision: raised late, then deferred
- Preparation: none asked for
- Who knows the real question: the founder
A room full of reports and one person carrying the decision.
THE EXAMPLE CASE
The founder whose partner meeting decided nothing
01
THE MOMENT
The decision that moved again
It is late in the monthly partner meeting. You have heard about pipeline, hiring and a client complaint. The decision you came for, the one that has been on the list for months, comes up at the very end. Your partner says they need to think about it. You both agree to pick it up next month. Nobody is surprised.
02
WHAT THEY HAD TRIED
A longer agenda
In this case, the founder ran a 12-person consultancy turning over about $900k. A recurring partner meeting kept bringing back the same issues, and decisions slipped from one month to the next. The obvious fix was a longer, more detailed agenda. It became another status update, and the real decision moved again.
03
WHAT IVANKA NOTICED
Only the founder knew what the meeting had to decide
Ivanka noticed that the founder was the only person who knew what the meeting had to decide. Everyone else arrived to report rather than prepare, because nobody had asked them anything in advance. The partner was not resisting the decision. They were meeting it for the first time, in the room, at the end of the meeting.
THE DIAGNOSIS
Unsent questions, not a weak agenda
The real problem was not the agenda. The decision and the preparation questions were never sent ahead, so the room filled with updates and the decision met the partner cold.
The reframe: send the questions before the conversation, not a script. A short set of questions tells the other person what will be decided and asks for their position, in their own words. They arrive ready, and the meeting does the deciding instead of the discovering.
Send the questions, not a script. Let the other person arrive ready.
THE COST OF STAYING STUCK
Every month without the questions sent ahead, the same decision costs another meeting, another month of drift and a little more trust between partners.
THE TOOL
The Advance Question Map, for one partner meeting
The Advance Question Map is how 1:1 Mentoring prepares a high-stakes conversation. It names the decision the conversation has to make and agrees a short set of questions that go out ahead, so the other person can prepare a position without being scripted.
Tap a part. Your questions and your conversation will be your own.
Advance Question Map · a framework by Ivanka Menken
What it is
It is one page: the decision in one sentence, four questions to send ahead, when they go out, what you will bring yourself and how the outcome gets written down. Under it, the standing set you reuse for the regular meeting.
What it replaces
It replaces longer agendas, decisions raised in the last minutes, partners meeting the question for the first time in the room and the same item moving to next month.
It sits inside 1:1 Mentoring, next to the monthly scorecard. One fortnightly session writes the questions, the next one reads what happened in the conversation. It is coaching, not meeting facilitation, and there is no separate checkout.
THE QUESTION SET, AS WRITTEN
- 01The decision: one sentence, named before the meeting
- 02Question 1: what does this meeting have to decide?
- 03Question 2: what is your position, and why?
- 04Question 3: what would change your mind?
- 05Question 4: what do you need from me first?
- 06The standing set: the same questions before every monthly meeting
HOW IVANKA WORKED WITH THEM
The decision first, then the questions
In the session, Ivanka asked the founder to name the one decision the next partner meeting had to make, in one sentence. Then they wrote four questions to send ahead, short enough to answer in the partner's own words and open enough not to read like a script. The founder left with the question set, the day it would go out and a note to keep the set for every monthly meeting if it worked.
THE ADVANCE QUESTION MAP, AS WRITTEN
- The decision
- One sentence, named before the meeting.
- Sent ahead
- Four questions: the decision, your position, what would change your mind, what you need first.
- In the room
- Positions first, then the decision and its owner.
- Standing set
- The same questions before every monthly meeting.
- Review
- At the session after the meeting
Your questions and your conversation will be your own.
THE FOUR-STEP LOOP
- 1The one thingA meeting where the decision keeps slipping.
- 2The numbersMonthly meetings, one decision, four questions sent ahead.
- 3The storyWhy a longer agenda only added more updates.
- 4The commitmentThe questions sent before the next meeting, the outcome written down.
THE QUESTIONS
- What does the next meeting have to decide?
- What do you need your partner to bring?
- Which question would surface their real position?
- When will the questions go out?
- How will the decision be written down?
Before the next session, the founder sent the four questions ahead of the partner meeting, brought their own answers to the same questions and wrote down the decision that came out of the room.
WHAT CHANGED
Meetings that decide
By month 6, every high-stakes conversation starts with the questions sent ahead, the other person arrives with a position and the monthly meeting runs on a standing question set.
BEFORE
- Long agendas, mostly updates.
- The decision raised late and deferred.
- The partner meeting the question cold.
- Only the founder knowing the point.
BY MONTH 6
- Four questions sent ahead.
- Decisions made in one sitting.
- Both partners arriving with a position.
- A standing set for the monthly meeting.
THE 12 FORTNIGHTS
- 1Call
- 2Call
- 3Call
- 4Call
- 5Call
- 6Month 3
- 7Call
- 8Call
- 9Call
- 10Call
- 11Call
- 12Month 6
The programme is the container: 12 fortnightly 60-minute sessions, a monthly scorecard, and reviews at month 3 and month 6.
ILLUSTRATIVE RESULT
In this case, the founder sent four questions before the next meeting. The partner came with a position, and the decision was made in one sitting. The founder then kept a standing question set for the monthly meeting.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU
Send the questions before you meet
Ivanka Menken built 1:1 Mentoring for founders who keep carrying the same decisions. Every fortnight she helps you name one decision, write the commitment and check it two weeks later.
This fits if you have a recurring conversation with a partner, investor or senior person where decisions keep slipping. It does not fit if you want someone to run your meetings or mediate a dispute. The decision in front of you is one sentence. Name it, write the questions and send them before you meet.
“During our sessions Ivanka isn’t just talking theory. She is sharing her own lived experiences.”
Business owner
WHO IT IS FOR
It fits
- You run a business with a partner or senior team.
- A recurring meeting keeps deferring decisions.
- You are the one who knows what must be decided.
- You will send the questions and bring your own answers.
It does not fit
- You want a facilitator in your meetings.
- You want mediation for a partner dispute.
- You want a script for the other person.
- You will keep the decision to yourself until the room.
THE INVESTMENT
AUD $1,500
per month ex GST
6 months · 12 fortnightly sessions
The Advance Question Map is part of 1:1 Mentoring, a 6-month programme at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST. It is not sold separately.
- 12 fortnightly 60-minute sessions
- A monthly one-page scorecard
- Reviews at month 3 and month 6
- The Advance Question Map for your next big conversation
Three founding places in total, shared across 1:1 Mentoring and its three focus programmes, are available at A$1,000 a month, in return for honest monthly feedback and a testimonial, which can be anonymous. Claim a founding place.
The Advance Question Map is part of the programme. It is not sold separately.
FREQUENTLY ASKED
Questions about preparing a high-stakes conversation
Should I send questions before an important meeting?
Yes, if the meeting has to decide something. A short set of questions tells the other person what will be decided and asks for their position, so they arrive ready instead of meeting the question cold. Ivanka Menken writes that set with you inside 1:1 Mentoring, 6 months at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST.
Will sending questions ahead feel like a script?
Not if they are open questions answered in the other person's own words. You are telling them what the conversation is about, not what to say. In this case, four questions were enough. Ivanka Menken helps you keep them short and open inside 1:1 Mentoring, 6 months at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST.
What questions should I send before a partner meeting?
Four usually cover it: what this meeting has to decide, your position and why, what would change your mind, and what you need from me first. Answer them yourself too. Ivanka Menken adapts the set to your conversation inside 1:1 Mentoring, 6 months at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST, and reads the outcome with you at the next session.
Why do decisions keep slipping in our monthly meeting?
Often because only one person knows what the meeting has to decide, so everyone else arrives to report. A longer agenda adds updates, not decisions. Sending the questions ahead changes what people bring. Ivanka Menken works on this inside 1:1 Mentoring, 6 months at AUD $1,500 per month ex GST, starting with the next meeting on your calendar.
Write the questions first
If your important conversations keep ending with next month, start with 1:1 Mentoring. The Advance Question Map is inside it, and the 20-minute intro call is where you can see whether the programme fits.
Not meeting facilitation, mediation or a script.